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Divided States of America

”Two months ago I had a nice apartment in Chicago. I had a good job. I had a son and when something happened to the Negroes in the South I said, `That's their business, not mine.' Now I know how wrong I was. The murder of my son has shown me that what happens to any of us, anywhere in the world, had better be the business of us all"- Mamie Bradley's words (Emmitt Tills mother)”. Some of us are now familiar with that quote after the George Zimmerman NOT GUILTY verdict. When I read that, it hit me to my core because like most Black immigrants (Africans, Jamaicans, Haitian) I always considered myself African but not African American and always separated myself from the plights of African Americans but the truth of the matter is we are all judged by the color of our skin.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you know all about the Trayvon Martin case. While everyone has their opinion on this case one thing that’s not debatable is Trayvon Martin is dead.  Let’s just say for instance the version of the story told by Zimmerman was what actually happened; Trayvon assaulted him and he had to defend himself which resulted in him killing him. If Zimmerman hadn’t followed him to begin with, he wouldn’t have had to defend himself. It’s crazy how a black life means nothing in this country; you can stalk / follow a black person for no reason other than they look suspicious, kill them and still walk away with no consequences. Just thinking about it sends chills down my body because it means my husband, nephew and all my black loved ones are NOT SAFE. Now if the situation were reverse i.e. a black man stalked someone of another race and killed him, I really doubt that the stand your ground law would have worked on their behalf. I know a lot of white people are upset that we use that assumption and they keep insisting that Zimmerman is not white; yes we understand he’s of Hispanic decent in terms of ethnicity but the way things work in this country it’s all about the color of your skin. If you look white you’re treated as such and if you look black well you’re doomed. It saddens me to know that in the year 2013 blacks are nothing but “free slaves”.  I grew up in Lagos, Nigeria where I never had to deal with any issue of race only to move here and have to deal with blacks treated as an inferior race because of the color of our skin.  

It is time we as a nation address the elephant in the room (racism). Blacks especially males are judged unfairly, passed up on jobs, looked at as thugs and people are scared and wary of us for no reason and IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE

TO WHITE AMERICANS

WE ARE ALL EQUAL - it’s time for us to come together if we are to realize the American Dream, we must all own the legacy of slavery and acknowledge that what we experience as a country is a result of this legacy. Whether you want to accept it or not it’s time to come to terms with it.  ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE NOT THE SAME i.e. THUGS, VIOLENT, UNEDUCATED ETC. JUST AS ALL CAUCASIANS ARE NOT. We all know the media shows us what they want us to believe and with all the crazy reality shows, what’s reported on the news every day and night we can see how people think all black people are jokes with black women having nothing better to do but have babies out of wedlock and black men nothing more than gun toting idiots that’s in and out of jail. Yes we do have a very high rate of black men in jail but it’s also because the justice system is designed for black people to fail (a discussion for another day). We read and see things about white serial killers, Pedophiles, mass murderers etc yet we don’t assume all white people are the same. As human beings we all have our prejudice but it’s time to start learning and understanding each other. You can't just judge a book by its cover; something is wrong in so many ways to say that someone is suspicious just because you don't know them.

TO THE BLACK COMMUNITY

I got a text yesterday that read “In memory of Trayvon Martin on July 23, 2013 we are boycotting America. We will not purchase anything on this day, not gas, food, clothes, etc, nothing. Whatever we need to buy get it on the day before or the day after but NOT July 23, 2013. Please do not ignore this, I'm sending this to everyone in my phone and I hope everyone who receives this forwards it to everyone in their phone. This is not hard it's simple on July 23, 2013 keep your money in your pocket, PLEASE FORWARD. And please wear something BLACK!  R.I.P. Trayvon Martin” Really? It’s amazing how black people are quick to rally and boycott when issues like this arise. How about we start rallying and deal with the devils in our own back yard. You want to boycott something? How about boycotting the record labels that insist on signing these ignorant rappers that do nothing more than promote violence, drugs and degrade women.  How about rallying to make sure the gun violence in our community stops, our kids get a good education and we start getting back two parent households to ensure family stability. While we can’t deny that racism still exists, there are more opportunities now more than ever for blacks but a lot of people still have that slave mentality. It is time to move past the slavery days. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying doing all these will end racism no it won’t but we will do better as a people and be able to command the respect we deserve. Civil rights leaders in the 1950s and '60s took real risks, and it's time for this generation to do our part. As long as we keep repeating the same cycle we will never do better.

 I read an article a while ago called “They Are Still Our Slaves’ – A White Man’s Perspective on Black People” and it stuck like glue. The gist of it is this “Their (black people) IGNORANCE is the primary weapon of containment. “The best way to hide something from Black people is to put it in a book”.

Recommendations for the Black Community.

“The Image Of The Black Community Is Horrendous In The World. The Image of Black Men In Particular Is That of A Bestial Maniacal and Savage Group of Persons” - Minister Louis Farrakhan

Lack of Education: One of the biggest problems in the black community is the lack of education. Not every kid will end up attending college but nothing stops us from self educating which can simply be done by reading a book and putting that knowledge into practice. There are lots of successful people like Steve Jobs, Chris Rock, Halley Berry, Lebron James, and Kevin Garnett who either didn’t attend or dropped out of college. They prove that if you have enough drive and focus you can make your dreams come true. Self education can help in building skills, confidence, independence and serious personal entrepreneurship which is what is needed in this era of rapid economic change: KNOWLEDGE really IS POWER.

Children out of wedlock: This is a never ending cycle in the Black community; you have babies having babies with no support from the man. Single mothers are one of the strongest and hardest working women out there and do everything to support their families but at the end of the day children still need their fathers especially boys. Contrary to the belief of most people, a woman CANNOT be a mother and a father to a boy nor can she raise a boy to become a man. Boys need that relationship with their father / male figure to gain a sense of themselves and to understand their masculinity and male identity. Without that relationship with their father / male figure they often grow up lost and confused about their identity as a man and tend  to turn to the media, gangs, drug dealers  etc regarding what type of man they should be.

Below is a chart that shows the unwed births rate by race- It speaks for itself.

 

Colorism: ALL black is BEAUTIFUL. At no time should one complexion be looked at as better than the other.  What was first given to us by slave masters in separating the house slaves from the field ones, has now taken place in how we objectify each other. The same thing we accuse the” white man” of doing to blacks is the same thing being done interracially.

 

Sagging pants and loud music: As trivial as these may seem it’s a huge issue. How this even became a fad is beyond me. No one wants to see your underwear and rear end hang out and why people think it’s okay to sag their pants or blast their (most of the time offensive) music in their cars is obnoxious, distasteful and does nothing but help people profile you. We need to portray ourselves in a positive way if we want people to give us the respect we deserve.

Financial planning and stability: it’s okay to live on a budget and not keep up with the joneses. You see someone driving the most expensive car with no money to even fill it up with gas or carry the most expensive bag with nothing more than $5.00 in it.  Our priorities are so messed up its ridiculous. People would rather drive the most expensive cars, buy new Jordans/ sneakers than invest or save for a rainy day.

Black on black crime:  Too many Blacks die to senseless violence and it seems no one cares to acknowledge the violence in our own backyard. It’s almost as if it’s okay so far it was done by one of our own but we are quick to rally when a black person is killed by a cop or someone of a different race. While that may not be our intention, what we are doing is sending a signal that this sort of violence is okay.  If we as a race don't show that we care about these killings why would other races or the justice system care?

While we know that the system is racist to black people, we also need to educate ourselves so we do not fall into those “traps” Below are stats showing the percentage of incarceration by race.

 

In order to move forward as a country we need to come together more as a whole; not individual people, not individual races or religions so that we may restore this great nation known as the United States of America.

"You gotta make a change, It's time for us as a people to start making some changes, let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live, and let’s change the way we treat each other. You see the old way wasn't working so it’s on us, to do what we gotta do to survive" –Tupac Shakur.

Breakouts

I read this today and figured I will share. I know a lot of people including myself that will benefit from it.

Did you know that breakouts on your face can be an indication that a certain part of your body that needs attention??? We try to treat acne many times with topical treatments and end up disappointed, many times it's simply internal! I went to a Dermalogica esthetic school for my esthetician's license and we learned about Dermalogica's 'Face Mapping', this is from ancient Chinese culture. Chinese ‘Mien Shiang’ literally means face reading and is also known as face mapping.♥ Jo Ann

1 & 2: Digestive System -- Eat less processed or junk food, reduce the amount of fat in your diet, step up water intake and opt for cooling things like cucumbers.
3: Liver -- Cut out the alcohol, greasy food and dairy. This is the zone where food allergies also show up first, so take a look at your ingredients. Besides all this, do 30 minutes of light exercise every day and get adequate sleep so your liver can rest.
4 & 5: Kidneys -- Anything around the eyes (including dark circles) point to dehydration. Drink up!
6: Heart -- Check your blood pressure (mine was slightly high) and Vitamin B levels. Decrease the intake of spicy or pungent food, cut down on meat and get more fresh air. Besides this, look into ways to lower cholesterol, like replacing “bad fats” with “good fats” such as Omegas 3 and 6 found in nuts, avocados, fish and flax seed. Also, since this area is chock-full of dilated pores, check that your makeup is not past its expiration date or is skin-clogging.
7 & 8: Kidneys -- Again, drink up! And cut down on aerated drinks, coffee and alcohol as these will cause further dehydration.
Zone 9 & 10: Respiratory system -- Do you smoke? Have allergies? This is your problem area for both. If neither of these is the issue, don’t let your body overheat, eat more cooling foods, cut down on sugar and get more fresh air. Also keep the body more alkaline by avoiding foods that make the body acidic (meat, dairy, alcohol, caffeine, sugar) and adding more alkalizing foods like green veggies and wheat grass juice. Another thing that most of us forget - dirty cell phones and pillow cases are two of the top acne culprits and this area is what they affect the most!
Zone 11 & 12: Hormones -- This is the signature zone for stress and hormonal changes. And while both are sometimes unavoidable, you can decrease their effect by getting adequate sleep, drinking enough water, eating leafy veggies and keeping skin scrupulously clean.
Another interesting point: breakouts in this area indicate when you are ovulating (and on which side).
Zone 13: Stomach -- Step up the fiber intake, reduce the toxin overload and drink herbal teas to help with digestion.
14: Illness -- Zits here can be a sign that your body is fighting bacteria to avoid illness. Give it a break, take a yoga class, take a nap, take time to breathe deeply, drink plenty of water and know that everything always works out!

 

So the next time you break out or notice dark under-eye circles, look to your face map: your skin is probably trying to communicate on behalf of the internal organs. However, do remember that, as with all medical issues, it is always best to see your doctor or dermatologist for a proper prognosis. This is just a general guide to head you off in the right investigative direction - just because you break out
between the brows doesn’t always mean you have a bad liver!

Source: http://­www.dermalogica.­com/uk/­speedmapping.htm­l
Source: http://­thebeautygypsy.c­om/­what-is-your-acn­e-telling-you/

Interesting read huh. That's why I felt it necessary to share.

Yay, my first Vlog

Hey guys, so I recorded my first video today although it took forever and I had some technical difficulties, I'm glad I pressed on and this was the end product. Please watch and let me know what you think. Thanks

I Got Served

Ever heard the saying “Dish it out but can’t take it”? Well I must admit that happened to me? It’s been ages since I posted anything on my blog and it’s because I GOT SERVED. Ha-ha. One of my greatest fears about starting a blog was to write something and people hate or criticize it. I know, I know welcome to the real world right? I’ve always had the “perfection complex” and for anyone who  doesn’t know what that is, it’s pretty much striving for flawlessness not necessarily for you but more so people won’t “talk” about you and I believe it stems from caring too much of what others think.  

Anyone that knows me knows I call things as I see it or as some people might put it “highly opinionated” and I do this without really thinking of how it might affect the other person. Anyway, once I started this blog I knew I was opening myself up to criticism but decided to do it anyway. I was rather reluctant to share the blog with people but when people read it all the feedback I got were great with no criticism and that didn’t sit right with me because I know I just started writing and I still have some things to learn.  Now don’t get me wrong, that feeling was awesome but I also needed some constructive criticism so I decided to go to the one person that I knew would hold no punches (one of the things I love about her by the way).

I summoned up the courage, texted my sister in law and asked her to critic my posting titled “New Year, New You” and her response was “Do you really want me to criticize it? Because I’m worried you may stop feeling love for a sister” when I read that, I knew what was coming and I braced myself for it. A few minutes later I received a text from her saying “I liked the first half much better, then we got to smart goal settings and I went really? Bola (this is the short form of my name for anyone that didn’t know) use the term SUCCINCT to the T. Make it short, sweet, dynamic and full of impact. It was too long and the words went to black to white and black again and I lost my train of thought” ……Ouch, it was so not what I wanted to hear and my feelings were hurt but I had asked her to be honest and she was. At that Instant I knew how it felt to be at the receiving end of someone’s keeping it real moment now don’t forget I had asked for her opinion and she wasn’t mean about it; it made me think of some of the times I criticized people when my opinion wasn’t asked for and my delivery wasn’t as nice.

 I’ve learned to be conscious with the way I criticize people as words hurt. It’s okay to be outspoken but let’s be mindful of the way we deliver those criticism. There’s a difference between constructive and mean criticisms and you never know when you’ll be the one getting served. Have you ever experienced a “You’ve got served moment”?  I would love to hear of your experience and how you felt. Please leave a comment

Fun Facts !!!

I stumbled upon this on facebook and decided to share. Very interesting. Enjoy!!!

1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any.
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11 Bee stings - meat tenderizer
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet - Jello !
16. Athletes feet - cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it!
20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper
21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on
25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar !
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!
27 Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and cup of milk of magnesia , soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste
31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets , soak overnight!
35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36.. Dirty grout - Listerine
37. Stains on clothes - Colgate toothpaste
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola , it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox , or 2 Bayer aspirin , or just use 7-up instead of water.
42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you 'squeeze' for freshness or softness? Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie.
They are:

Monday = Blue,
Tuesday = Green,
Thursday = Red
Friday = White
Saturday = Yellow.

So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue- Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Don't forget Gatorade for Migraine Headaches. Powerade won't work

Iron Lady

The Iron Lady

I just watched the movie Iron Lady this evening ( January 20^th) and for anyone who doesn't know what the movie is about, it’s about Margaret Thatcher the first and only female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom who smashed through the barriers of gender and class to be heard in a male-dominated world. I remember hearing the name a lot when I was a young girl living in Nigeria and the only thing I knew about her was she was very strict and not liked by a lot of people and that was the perception I had of her.

Watching that movie was intellectually stimulating and eye opening.  Here was a woman born to a family of grocers who ended up becoming Prime minister. She believed in hard work and not being idle as she saw idleness as a sin; which helped her become Prime Minister. She ran for parliament in 1950 and lost but because one of her philosophy is “you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it”, she ran again 9 years later, won and used that as a stepping stone to becoming Prime Minister.

Seeing what she had to go through to achieve what she wanted has me even more amped to accomplish my goal as a World Renowned Motivational Speaker. While she was a bit rigid, I liked that she always embodied the importance of standing up and saying what she believed in no matter what anybody thought.  She says “If you set out to be liked, you should be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing”

One great lesson I learned from watching that movie is to be logical and not emotional especially when making decisions. There was a scene where she was asked how she was feeling and her answer was, people don’t think anymore, they feel. They’re always talking about how they feel.  She went on to say “One of the great problems of our age is that we are governed by people who care more about feelings than they do about thoughts and ideas, ask me what I’m thinking and I will let you know”.  Although I have read and heard this several times, it really hit home for me today.  “Watch your thoughts, for they become words, watch your words for they become actions, watch your actions for they become habits, watch your habits, for they become your character, watch your character for it becomes your destiny”  What we THINK, we BECOME.

I can already hear someone saying why would I want to be logical rather than emotional when most of our decisions are made based on our emotions? That’s exactly my point. We make decisions based off of how we feel and sometimes because we’re so emotional, they end up being the wrong decision. Let me elaborate.  Have you ever been in a disagreement with someone and because of the way you felt at that moment, you said something you shouldn't have and wish you could take back? This is why we need to take control over our emotions instead of letting our emotions rule us. Now I’m not saying we should feel no emotion, I’m talking about having control over how we react to our emotions once we feel them. Like they say “To master ones’ emotions is to master ones’ self”

The first step to learn how to master your emotions is to understand that all emotions serve you then identify what emotion you are experiencing at that particular moment. This is important because if you’re not sure what kind of emotion you are experiencing then you will struggle to respond accordingly. To help you through this step, ask yourself the following questions:

What am I feeling right now?                                               

Am I really feeling this, or is there something more?

The greater clarity you have here, the more you will have to work with as you move through this process.

You will notice that the more control you have on your emotions, the better decisions you’ll make. If Margaret Thatcher, who had all the odds against her could become the first woman Prime Minister, I can and will become a World Renowned Motivational Speaker. I just have to discipline myself to do what I know is right and important while taking control of my emotions so I can make logical decisions.